January 29, 2025 • 4 min read

Hey Future Looper,

Ever have that feeling that there’s more to what someone’s saying than just their words?
Like they’re trying to tell you something important, but not quite saying it directly?
(Spoiler alert: You’re probably right.)

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The Dance We All Do

Let me take you back to my glassblowing days for a moment.
Remember that story about the person who mentioned their grandmother?

Here’s what I didn’t tell you before: it wasn’t just their words that told the story – it was everything else.

• The way their voice softened


• The slight pause before speaking


• The way their eyes fixed on the pendant

These weren’t random behaviors – they were unconscious signals screaming for connection.

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The Three Layers of Communication

When people talk, they’re actually communicating on three different levels:

• What they’re saying (the words)


• How they’re saying it (their voice)


• What their body’s doing while they say it

Most people only pay attention to the first level – they’re missing out on two-thirds of the conversation!

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The Truth About “I’m Fine”

We’ve all been there. Someone says “I’m fine” but everything about them is screaming “I’M NOT FINE AT ALL!”

This isn’t people being difficult; it’s their unconscious mind waving a giant flag: “Hey! There’s more to this story!”

Think of your unconscious mind as that friend who’s terrible at keeping secrets.
Even when your conscious mind is trying to play it cool, your unconscious is in the background making faces and mouthing “Ask them about the thing!”

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The Signs Are Everywhere

Want to know what to look for? Here are some classics:

• Speech slowing down


• Long pauses


• Staring off into space


• Sudden changes in breathing


• Random laughing or crying


• Face going still (what we call the “hypnotic mask”)

When you see these, it’s like your client’s unconscious mind is texting: “Hey! Important stuff happening here!”

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Beyond the Obvious

These signals aren’t random – they’re part of a bigger pattern. They’re breadcrumbs leading you straight to what really needs attention.

And once you learn to spot these patterns, you can’t unsee them.
It’s like getting glasses that let you see the Matrix. (Okay, maybe not that dramatic – but you get the idea.)

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The Game Changer

For coaches, therapists, or anyone who works with people, spotting these signals means no more:

• “Am I on the right track?”


• “Is this working?”


• “What should I say next?”

Instead, you let their unconscious mind guide you straight to what needs attention.

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What Not to Do

Most people see these signals and think:

• “I need to fix this!”


• “Let me give them advice!”


• “I should tell them what to do!”

(Spoiler: That’s how you get someone to close up faster than a clam at high tide.)

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The Better Way

What if, instead of jumping in to fix things, you got curious?
What if you saw these signals as invitations to explore rather than problems to solve?

That’s where the magic happens. Because when you respond with genuine curiosity, you’re not just having a conversation – you’re entering the loop.

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What’s Next?

In our next post, we’ll dive into exactly how to respond when you spot these signals. Knowing they’re there is one thing – knowing what to do with them is where real transformation happens.

For now, try this: in your next conversation, focus less on the words and more on everything else. You might be surprised by what you’ve been missing.

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See you in the loop!
– Timothy September